Remove All Dads

Dying is such an irresponsible thing for a father to do.

People do not laugh at our dead dad jokes.
Dying is easy, but comedy is hard. ­­

You make art about elision and absence,
the unsayable and the image erased.

I write poems about all the men I've used
as placeholders—men as cardboard cutouts,
men as presence and noise and collage.

We walk around and wonder aloud
if the dead can love you back, I mean, really
love you back and we are funny
because we seek out the dad-shaped
holes to find in the world:
at the Home Depot buying supplies
for tree houses and koi ponds;
at every wedding, lumbering down aisles;
later, doing the Funky Chicken.

The atmosphere of every reading,
gallery opening,
graduation, school play,
parent/teacher conference
feels drafty, a bit
windblown, what with all
the dad-shaped holes milling about.

We find ourselves overcome by boxes
of uneaten jelly donuts and bear claws.

We spot battery-operated Christmas tree neckties
winking from the windows of skylines

and we sometimes, momentarily,
wake in the hold of baby blue velour recliners,

cradling the wind
upon which we rest our heads. 

 
Michelle Peñaloza

Michelle Peñaloza grew up in Nashville, Tennessee. Her poetry has appeared or is forthcoming in Asian American Literary Review, Great River Review, RHINO, and elsewhere. She is the recipient of fellowships from Kundiman, the Richard Hugo House, and Oregon Literary Arts, as well as scholarships from VONA (Voices of Our Nations Arts Foundation), Vermont Studio Center, the Napa Valley Writers' Conference, and the Bread Loaf Writers' Conference. She lives and works in Seattle.

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