How to rebuild me when I fall apart
After Roger Reeves
I want a spine
a gun barrel throat. A voice with steel boots.
I want to command a lover who leaves
I want to rent my body to a soul brave
to be naked in this body in the street.
lined with cement,
An inside-out-turned tongue so the words come out right.
enough to carry my body naked in the street. I want
To spoil the sky.
I want to beg the bottle, never to return
the alcoholic to the world without his drunkenness. I cannot tap moonshine
from between my legs and judge the drunk still.
I want only to hear the music
its own strings,
I want to be a man. Both poison and medicine.
to mix them up. Pour for my lovers at my leisure.
I want what I deserve. Not just the shell
I want to grow my own garden in my hair. I’m tired
the instrument wants to play. I want a violin that pulls
a cymbal that plays over its notes.
To know the distinction between the two and get to choose
Sleep easy at night. Wake up
when the body next to mine is cold.
with sounds of the ocean,
the ocean too.
of the flowers you give me. The ones that
refuse to navigate the knots. I want to say no,
I will not make the way straight and easy to follow for your sake.
I want to play God. To give my breasts to the wailing
And when their mouths come loose, still
hungry, question their faith and never myself.
cities. They would build an altar at my feet, give me
their last when their children are dying.
I’d offer my dry breast, raw nipple.