If You Can’t Figure Out This Is About Hope, You Might Not Know What Hope Is

Monday, July 16, 2012

Did you know turtles can store dried sperm for five years before using it to fertilize an egg?
Guess what I’ve been doing for more years than that.
No. Not being a turtle. Not being all that patient either.

Because being patient means you’ve got to put things away.
Blankets, because it’s the middle of July.
Pumpernickel, because no one in my family likes pumpernickel.
And sweater vests, at least if you’re going to keep your girlfriend and all her fashion sensibilities
in the same room with you when you turn out the lights.

You know who’s really not patient? Kent Shaw.
He’s not even a definition of just waiting for something to happen.
He’s more like hoping someone comes over for the party.
Specifically, it was his 32nd birthday, and it was at his apartment.
The night got a little messy when he caught himself hoping for too long.

I was in a movie once where I had to hammer iron nails into his thumbs and his middle fingers,
so they’d stay in one place.
I’d fixed him to a wooden cross.
I looked up. I said, I’ll be right back.
Keep in mind, there are moths that have been more still than Kent Shaw was afternoon, and night,
under industrial-grade lighting, and sometimes inclement weather.
It’s messy business being a Kent Shaw.
And to the haters, who want to put their hope in Jesus? There’s no comparison.
Read the Bible.
He’s whining like some little baby. “Father, Father.” Please.
The guy lasted on the cross for like three hours before giving up.
You know who’s still there?

Kent Shaw.
And it’s taken years to make a Kent Shaw this perfect.
Of course, time is on our side, time is a blunt instrument, time can even be time again,
which makes all that waiting a little harder to bear.
Have some mercy. Please. Go buy him a new sweater vest.
It makes all that waiting look a little more formal.

Sunday, July 1, 2012